“Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn”
(“In his house at R’lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming.”) – worshippers of Cthulhu
If you’ve ever accidentally bumped into, and not immediately run away from, a fan of H.P. Lovecraft, you have heard of, maybe even become a follower of, the great Old One, Cthulhu, first most popular in horror literature among a race of Elder Gods who slumber and wait for the time to be right for their return and ascendency. Those who tell the tales of the Old Ones often ascribe dire consequences for humanity, should the Elder Gods awaken. Lovecraft himself tried to impress the perspective that the Universe, as a whole, gives not one fig for humanity, upon his readers. The Great Cthulhu, however, once ruled over that one little niche we call Earth. I’d bet that after napping for a millennium or two, he’s gonna have a serious hungry headache, and a nice, hot cup o’ Joe is just not going to cut it. No, he’ll be wanting to eat the unbelievers… and the believers, basically, whomever he can wrap a slimy tentacle around and jam into his pie hole… he’ll probably eat all the pies too, then drink all the coffee, you know, to wash down the pies and those annoying little bones tickling his throat. What a dick. So, yeah, I guess there’s some justification for all the secret societies following all the secret worshipers.
“Some day he would call, when the stars were ready and the secret cult would always be waiting to liberate him.” – from Call of Cthulhu
The thing is, at this point everybody knows about the dangers of releasing an unearthly demi-god upon the populace at large, and there are complete truck-loads of dudes and dudettes totally dedicated to preventing those occurrences, despite the relative alignment or misalignment of various stars and/or constellations, which are totally made up of stars. So why all the short stories and movies keep focusing on that threat is beyond me. You see, there is a far more sinister malevolence afoot, and they are already among us, wreaking havoc and making everyday life a misery for the suspecting and unsuspecting alike. So underestimated are they, they don’t even have worshipers. There are tales of their horrors but, so insidious are they, no one even knows to ascribe these tales to the creatures who perpetrate the vile deeds.
“Where the hell did my work go?” – Me, after losing two hours of work
You see, I know of their existence. I know how destructive they are, yet, I dropped my guard for one fragile moment.
They were there. They are everywhere. They know about all your important meetings, and their inter-dimensional portals are perfectly sized for yoinking keys through. It is nothing for them to cloud your vision for but a moment, then toe meets dresser!
“Inside your snuggy, making you itch.” – Christina Majaski
They may not spell the destruction of mankind but, God Damn It! They are really, really annoying.
Look upon but one, and know… well, if not terror then, then… serious irritation!