“Boom, crush. Night, losers. Winning, duh.” – Charlie Sheen
Have you noticed that the people ordained to create “special” events and causes are no longer satisfied with a day? At one point, a week was sufficient. Now, if you can’t claim an entire month, you’re really just not worth any recognition at all. Any time now, we’ll be following the Chinese tradition of giving everything its own year.
So far, though, they only get a month. Accordingly, November, was National Grow A Mustache On Your Prostate Month, and those bastards had the balls, so to speak, to go so far as to actually change the spelling of the month to “Movember”! The reason they had so much pull, though, was because it’s an important health related cause. Apparently, growing a mustache on your prostate will prevent cancer.
In the C++ computer language, there’s this concept called overloading, where one thing can mean more than one thing, which is why C++ is about as easy to learn as English. I bring that up, like a bad meal, because November was also National Write A Damned Book Month, but they shortened that to NaNoWriMo – whatever that means! If you joined the Write A Damned Book Club, you were forced to write 50,000 words, or miss Thanksgiving. A whole bunch of people drop out of that club each year because, really, who gives a damn about Thanksgiving anymore; it’s basically just a speed bump on the road to that ultimate push into unbridled psychotic behavior, called Christmas. But first, Novel writers must motivate themselves to do what it is they’re supposed to want to do, by banding together and scourging each other for the entire month of November, until they manage to spew 50,000 words, some of them accidentally forming sentences.
Not to be outdone, the people who understand their mental capacity is limited to right around 200 words a day decided to claim their own month, and they chose a truly awesome month, a month when nobody has anything else on their minds, and can absolutely afford the time to sit around, cranking out paragraph after paragraph of trite and trivial web content for free. They chose December. Brilliant! In addition, reflecting the originality and cleverness of the average content writer, they chose to name their cause/event/whatever NaBloPoMo, which, somehow, sounds even more brain damaged than NaNoWriMo. And, just like NaNoWriMo, NaBloPoMo’s raison d’être is to harass and cajole people into doing what it is they supposedly enjoy doing. Am I wrong in believing that people who write books are sort of supposed to enjoy that, and people who can’t seem to string that many words together are supposed to enjoy blogging, right? Only, bloggers hate their “passion” with such a… umm… passion that they actually need to be tormented into blogging twice each year (do that to novelists and their heads would explode). It’s true; in April, bloggers all wheedle each other into joining the A to Z Blogging Challenge. Every day in April you have to write a blog having to do with the letter corresponding to the day of the month, like every year, on the first of April, you can look forward to at least a dozen blogs constructed around the word “ass”, or the more ambitious, “asshole”. Then on the second of April, all those bloggers drop out, because they really never had more than that “A” blog post planned out in the first place. Besides, it’s not like they’re going to take your Christmas away, like the people who run NaBloPoMo will.
Because I have this tendency to not like fads or trends or anything that more than, say, five people all do, This year I had staunchly resolved to resist the A to Z Blogging Challenge. Absolutely refused to participate. And yet, I found that, by some odd quirk of fate or stellar alignment, as April drew to a close, I had arbitrarily written 26 consecutive blogs, and had subconsciously embedded a reference to that day’s letter in each one! I had failed miserably at not completing the A-Z Blogging Challenge. Very distressing. But… I have come up with a way to absolutely prevent myself from participating in NaBloPoMo.
Since anyone who has to be forced to do what they theoretically enjoy doing in the first place is, by definition, a loser, and because I utterly refuse to participate in anything with such an incredibly lame name as NaBloPoMo, I have created my own challenge, and I have decided to call it “Yo Loser Blog More”, or YoLoBloMo.
All you have to do is spew some words onto a web page, you know, like you’d normally do, every day for the month of December. No special letters or anything!
I know I’ll make it through at least two days, ’cause I already have this one, and tomorrow’s Monday. You know what’s here every Monday, right?
So here it is, December 1st, and this is blog post #1 for my YoLoBloMo Challenge!