YoLoBloMo #17: Twisted Tuesday
“Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.” – W. C. Fields
Given the choice, I would write nothing but insanely funny could have stopped at insane blog posts that would have you all gasping for air, in paroxysms lots of laughter. Unfortunately, I have a hard enough time getting you jerks to crack a smile periodically. In addition, I’m under contractual obligation to write a certain number of serious and meaningful now that’s funny posts.
Oh, please! Do you really think anyone would contract me to write this crap?
As it happens… somebody actually did. are you fucking kidding me?
It’s true. I was hired to write an entire ebook in this inimitable style. Being as I genuinely enjoy tormenting readers this way, I was totally stoked! Until I got the flu…
“Oddly, I could find no humorous quotes about the flu.” – Me, just now
“That’s OK,” I thought, “I’ll just do research until I feel better.” Yes, I actually do research sometimes. Stop laughing! So I took to the interwebs in search of information I would have forgotten immediately, had I not been able to copy and paste the important bits. Sadly, what one might think is important while under the influence of influenza may turn out to be chaotic nonsense once one becomes sensible again. when would that be? So I sort of had to do a lot of the research again…
And then, it was time to write some seriously funny shit!
“A joke is a very serious thing.” – Winston Churchill
… only, I wasn’t feeling funny.
Desperate to start writing hysterically amusing paragraph after paragraph, about a subject that really isn’t all that funny in the first place, my hunt commenced. I looked everywhere: in my closet, in the computer cave, I ventured down to the circuit breaker box in the basement–where a Ghost Hunters team had disappeared only months before; I even investigated behind the toilet. don’t do that, ever I looked everywhere, but could find no “Write Funny” switch.
I began poking various parts of my of body, to see if it was hidden just beneath my skin. I poked everywhere don’t do that either, ever and still, I could find no Write Funny switch… and now I was covered in tiny bruises. told you
“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
– Cary Grant, Arsenic and Old Lace
Then, once the “cold and flu” medicine was completely out of my system, and I could think straight again, again? it hit me like you guys must want to sometimes: if I want to write as funny as my blog, I should sit down and read my blog!
So I did, and I discovered 2 things: sometimes I really am funny and, sometimes I’m way too damned serious… 3 things!
I discovered 3 things! The third thing is, anybody who would subject him or her self to this semi-coherent babbling on a regular basis is really twisted!